a foray into parenthood: February 2012

Safia at 9 months

Safia at 10 months

Nothing cuter than overalls and pigtails!

It seems that every month, every week, sometimes everyday, we are negotiating some sort of transition and change. Once we seem to have it all figured out, or at least somewhat figured out, things change. This past month entailed some pretty big changes that sent us all in a tailspin of transition and re-negotiation. We all weather the storm in various degrees of sanity, most of this change was brought about by the fact that I went back to work. The flexibility in my schedule allowed me to put Safia in daycare part-time, while I’m doing a “full-time” job, somehow that doesn’t totally add up, but we’re figuring it out. She had been in daycare at Arrow Monday and Wednesday mornings, so we just added two full days (Tuesday and Thursday) at the new University Childcare Center.

When I first went back to work, I got lots of sympathetic comments along the lines of, “oh it must be so hard to have her in daycare” or “I didn’t recognize you without that baby on your hip” or simply “how are you holding up?” I wasn’t sure how to answer the inquires, because I was glad to be back. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter, and I love spending time with her, but I also like what I do, and I like not being defined as just a mother. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those women who choose to stay home because they want to (not so much for those who stay home because they think they should), as well as those women who would love to stay home, but for whatever reason (mostly financial) have to work. But staying home is not for me. Rube and I have discussed it - he has expressed interest in being a stay-at-home dad, so I just need to make a little more money so we can make that work. At the same time, I know that I’m really lucky. I got to stay home with Safia until she was nine months, and even though it’s hard, she’s not in daycare full time. I also think that being back at work has actually made me a better mother. I’m more patient with her, most of the time. I try to be present with her when we’re together, which doesn’t always work (for example, much to her dismay, I’m typing this now, not playing with her, and believe me, she’s letting me know she’s not happy about that choice!). I enjoy the time I spend with her more because I know I’m not with her all day, everyday.

That’s in no way to say that it’s been an easy transition. We’ve spent the last month trying to figure out how to function on less time with just as much to get done. No one warned us how much time it takes to get her stuff ready for daycare. There are many days when, by the time Rube and I finally have a chance to breathe, it’s nine o’clock and we’re ready for bed. When the weekend comes, sometimes it takes all our energy to just do something fun. We’ve also had to figure out how to remember to take time for each other in the midst of all the things that have to be done. That means that the dishes are not always done, the house is not always clean, the dog is not always walked (poor Zoey!). We’re trying to make peace with these new realities and enjoy what we do have.

He used to double fist beers, now he
double fists babies, how times have changed!

All things considered, we’ve adapted and are figuring out how to make it all work and still have some fun along the way. We spent the weekend in the mountains with friends, and it was amazingly beautiful and an awesome time. Unfortunately, Safia decided that this was a good time to get sick for the first time, and puked all over her crib. Rube decided that Safia couldn’t show him up and he got sick as well, so the weekend ended in sick exhaustion, but it was still fun! Safia also went to her first demonstration/rally. To celebrate Martin Luther King Day, the Newtown Florist Club holds a march and rally. We were late so we missed the march, but had a great time at the rally. Yet another first she celebrated was her first Chinese New Year. We feasted down on traditional fare and read her informational and entertaining books about the festivities. Rube also decided that the transition wasn’t hard enough, so he got a toothache which was discovered to necessitate a root canal which, in the end, necessitated his tooth being pulled. To say it was painful is an understatement. We were all glad to have the tooth gone and Rube back!

In other news, Safia got her two top teeth. She had a few grumpy days when they were coming in, but she now seems to be liking her increased biting abilities. She still loves to eat and has been eating lots of different things and has yet to indicate a dislike for anything. The weather here has been uncannily warm, so we have been trying to take advantage of the weather as much as possible with lots of time outdoors. We played Frisbee golf with friends and made our first attempts at putting Safia to bed at someone else’s house, and transfer her home so we could go to a Super Bowl party. Safia is crawling all over the place and really wants to walk. She pulls herself up on everything and has a knack for getting into the one thing in the room she really shouldn’t be playing with. We finally (just took us 9 months) set up her room so that it’s really her room. All of her toys are in there, as well as her changing table and all her clothes. Rube and I can’t seem to get over how big our room is now that all her stuff is out of it! She also really seems to be liking daycare. One of the women who takes care of her even described her as ‘independent,’ ‘laid back,’ and ‘easy going!’ We’re all shocked and amazed at how far we’ve all come!