80%, maybe even 90%, of the Time

80% (maybe even 90%) of the time Safia is amazing.  She smiles, she laughs, she plays, she coos, she makes me smile and laugh.  The rest of the time she cries or fusses, which all in all, isn’t that much time.  But somehow, sometimes, the crying, fussing time can be all consuming.  I know I’m not the most patient person, but I never realized how impatient I was until I am trying for the umteenth time to put Safia down to sleep when I know she’s tired, and I know all she really needs to do is sleep.  I read her stories, I sing her songs, and all she does is cry and cry.  I know all she needs to do is close her eyes so she can sleep and everything will be better, but somehow, she’s stubborn and head strong (wonder how she got that way) and she has other plans.  Too bad she can’t tell me what they are.  I find myself questioning my abilities as a mother.  Do I sing to her again?  Do I walk away and let her cry?  Do I pick her up?  The questions seem simple, but they are so wrapped up in bigger questions about parenting style, and while I know that I am not going to scar her, or make it so she can never take naps, sometimes it feels that way.  Sometimes I find that I have to walk away because the small amount of patience that I have stored has been drained by the screams, while other times I find myself able to sit and sing the same song over and over again.  I try hard to focus on the 80 – 90% of the time when I have this amazing bundle of giggles and smiles, but sometimes it’s hard because the 20 – 10% is so formidable.  Specifically, now, as Safia sits on my lap because, yes you guessed it, she’s exhausted but won’t go to sleep!

Last week we had another great adventure.  On Wednesday Safia and I flew to New Jersey.  We had a wedding on Saturday in Princeton, so we extended our vacation and visited my aunt Trisha and her family.  On Wednesday night, my aunt Kathy and cousin Mikaela came over for dinner, it was so great to be surrounded by so much family.  Not to mention the joy of being able to sit down and eat a meal while someone else held my baby!  On Thursday Trisha, her family, Safia, and I all piled into the car and drove to the beach!  The beach has always been one of my favorite places to go, but since Rube is not really a water-lover, we don’t often frequent the beach.  But as I’ve been telling him, now that we have a baby, maybe we can revisit that discussion.  We had an amazing time at the beach.  Safia sat on the shore with Trisha as Maggie, Katie, Claire, and I played in the waves.  We brought Safia to the water and let her get her feet wet.  She wasn’t the biggest fan, but she’s got plenty of time to learn.

On Saturday, Trisha, Maggie, Katie, Safia, and I all drove to Princeton for the wedding.  I was going to go to the wedding, and the other three came to babysit.  We meet up with Rube and my family, had lunch, and after a whirlwind of getting ready, we slid into the ceremony minutes before the wedding started.  The wedding was beautiful and it was so wonderful to get to celebrate with our friends and family.  Trisha, Maggie, Katie, and Safia walked around Princeton, came and visited us for a covert nursing session, and then headed back for the hotel.  Rube and I were able to were able to enjoy the festivities until 10:00 when we got the, your baby is hungry and won’t take the bottle call.  My family is amazing.

This week has been another week of trying to figure things out.  School started at UGA and I felt a bit discombobulated again.   This is usually the time when I am busiest - starting to teach a new class and trying to figure out my work schedule.  This year, however, I’m trying to figure out how to get anything done, which is proving more and more difficult each day.  But we were able to get a few things done.  Safia and I had our first meeting with my advisor.  She was amazing, bouncing in my lap and playing on the floor so we could talk.  We also went to Gainesville, which we are going to try to do every Tuesday.  I was even able to get some work done with Safia in a carrier and in Ms. Faye’s loving arms.  Rube also had a first: he left home for work before Safia was awake and came home after she was asleep and didn't get to see Safia at all.  It made him really sad.  We both know how lucky we are that we have schedules and flexibilities that allow us to spend so much time with our daughter, and there are people that can’t or don’t spend that much time with their children.  But as he was complaining about it, my lack of sympathy must have given me away, and he asked, “El, you’d really like to have a day you didn’t spend with Safia, won’t you?”  Yes Rube, I would, I really would.   

Not the best picture, but it was fun to all be together
so I had to include it!