We're entering our last weekend before I have to go back to work. I have one week to prepare my classroom, prepare lesson plans for the oh-so-crucial first few weeks of school, and prepare myself mentally for a new school year of 2nd graders. Students arrive for their first day of school on August 8. I feel so fortunate to have had this time with Safia. To observe and learn and stare in wonder at this little thing - this little growing bean stalk. I know I'm fortunate to have this opportunity. I remember how hard it was to go back to work after my paternity leave was exhausted, and although things are different this time, it'll still be hard. Well, one last weekend...gotta soak it in.
Whew! I'm not gonna lie, last night was kinda rough. Safia has been eating ferociously and her sleep has been very erratic. There was a stretch of time between 5pm and midnight where Safia slept for only about 30 minutes. She was up-and-at-'em and rarin' to go! There was a point at about 11pm, Safia, swaddled up and in her bassinet, was just rolling around and laughing her little head off. I looked over at Ellen and asked, "What is wrong with our child?" I did honestly think that I had done something wrong with our last torturous bottle feeding that just set Safia's 'crazy' switch to overdrive. After some effort, we were able to get Safia down for the night. She was up and hungry, though, multiple times throughout the night. We suspect maybe another growth spurt? It is amazing how much Safia has grown over the past couple of weeks. It seems to me that she has grown and/or developed in some way after each nap. Ok, that might be a bit exaggerated, but things are moving along quite briskly.
Lately as I'm out about town I'm hyper-aware of kids and babies. They're everywhere! Newborns, babies, toddlers, elementary age children...some are well-behaved, some are total disasters, some are playful and jubilant, and some are frenzied, unruly hot messes. I notice them all and their parents, and can't help but think about what kind of person Safia will grow up to be. It's completely overwhelming when I think about it. When I look into her eyes I see brief glimmers of Safia as an older human being. When I snap out of it, I think that who Safia will be changes from day-to-day, for who she will become is a summation of all the days she has lived and experienced. It is in her everyday observations and interactions and successes and failures that determine her personality, outlook, and perspective, and that is a constant evolution.
This'll be quick and painless. Ellen and I are feeling motivated, and are actually getting some cleaning and organizing done around the house. Since my return to work is now very much in sight, we're scrambling a bit to get some stuff done in the house that we wanted to get done all summer long. Although this post will be a brief one, I did want to mention how well Safia is controlling her head nowadays. It is extremely nice to not have to be so delicate in handling her and she is really loving sitting up and playing. This newfound noggin-dexterity also means that we get to employ yet another type of baby carrier. Today, I tried out the Baby Bjorn (a carrier in which she can be carried on the chest and look outwards) and she was pretty darn happy about it. Happy baby = happy dad.
Below is a video of Safia practicing her ski jumping (thanks to Roy for assisting in teaching her proper landing technique. Sorry you have to tilt your head to the right to watch it properly).
Phew! Home. I have so much to say about our trip, but I suspect that precious few of you want the fine details written out for you to read on a blog. If you want the minutiae of our travels over the past week-and-a-half, we'll have to accomplish that through another mechanism. What I will say here is that it was an ambitious trip that had the potential to be disastrous, but turned out wonderfully. After three plane rides, some subway/metro expeditions, and plenty of time in cars, I'd say Safia is getting an early introduction to a lifestyle of travel.
Ski jump training
Aunt S'mores and Safia talk about it.
On the Safia development front, as many of you know, each week brings incredible growth. Well, this week Safia has turned into a regular ol' rolly-polly. She's freely (and quickly, I might add) turning from her back to her stomach, and is learning the stomach-to-back return. She is using her hands with much purpose and has discovered the tactile delights of grabbing and pulling hair and low-hanging beards. I think I might have a date with a razor soon.
So this is my last week of freedom. In one week, I return to work and we have yet another readjustment. I know I say it every year, but my summer vacation has just flown by...I don't know where it went.
Today is our big day prepping for another big adventure. Part of our preparations have been seeing that our garden is ready for our departure. This has entailed harvesting and processing vegetables for later consumption. Notably, we harvested our first ever batch of edamame soy beans and black beans! I also cooked up a mega-batch of chili and rice to bring over to friends who have just had a baby. We both remember how wonderful it was to have friends bring over food. So lots of action in the kitchen today.
Also of note, Safia has figured out how to turn over completely from back to tummy. We have entered a new era.
Since we are embarking on another adventure tomorrow, we will be absent from the blog for a bit. I urge those who grow antsy and impatient to read our posts to access and reread previous or old favorite posts via our archives. Hope all have a wonderful weekend.
Safia update: She has been doing great. She is staying awake and "playing" more and more each day. Her smiles are abundant, and if you're extra persistent, you can coax a little giggle out of her; that's the true prize. The most remarkable development in her maturation has been considerable progress in the realm of head control. She is sitting up and looking around and that noggin is not very floppy at all. Pretty awesome. She is also progressed considerably in her ability to use her hands to manipulate objects. We're definitely happy about that. On the not-so-awesome side of things, she isn't a great sleeper during daytime hours, going down for only about 30 minutes to an hour, and sometimes very reluctant to be put to sleep (read: screams vociferously). Also, she continues to loathe the bottle.
Today, we planned on going blueberry picking. There is a farm nearby that is amenable to having people come out and pick their ample acreage of blueberry bushes. I think how it goes is that for every 3 pints of blueberries you pick for them, you get to pick 1 pint of blueberries for yourself. Not too shabby, eh? Sounds like a good time to me. Well, we agreed to meet our friends Helen and David (David is 11 weeks old) for berry picking merriment, but as we were driving out there this morning, all of a sudden, it started pouring down rain, complete with stunning lightning and thunderous thunder. We promptly aborted our mission and headed for a coffee shop in town. Good coffee, even better company. Berries will have to wait for later.
Another oldie but a goodie. This one
when she was 8 days old.
Yesterday was Bill Cosby's birthday. Some of you may know that The Cosby Show (1984 - 1992) was hugely influential to me as a young person. Fittingly, with my buddy Tim a willing participant, we fired up Netflix, settled in, and watched some Cosby. We started from the beginning (the pilot is a total classic..."I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out!") and watched a number in sequence. We then jumped around a bit, searching for and finding quintessential episodes. When we were Cosby-ed out I thought a bit about the Huxtables and their family dynamic, parenting philosophies, and the comedy of it all. I fully understand that situation comedies exist for mainly for entertainment, but there's just something about the Cosby Show...the right mix of corniness, authenticity, joy, ridiculousness, love, and the importance of humor. I like Heathcliff Huxtable as a father. He was silly but firm. He wasn't afraid to be passionate about the things he cared about. His sweater selection was impeccable and so enviable. He was a good dad that liked to have fun. I am slightly embarrassed that I just wrote this much about the Cosby Show, but as a new dad, I'm constantly looking around and observing other dads, and am trying to develop my father-ness. Like motherhood, being a father isn't some instinctual skill that, once you have a kid, you just flip on and can handle everything. It's something that develops and evolves and is something you have to work at. It's pretty fun and rewarding work, though, I'd have to say.
Well, my friend Tim left today to return to his wife and occupational responsibilities in Milwaukee. It was so nice to have him around, if only for a few days. He was my partner these past few days in trying to coax Safia to eat from the bottle. During his stay here, he played with her and received a multitude of smiles and little giggles, endured her bottle-wrath, and bounced her soothingly. Safe travels back to Wisconsin...it's a loooooong road.
A friend of ours shared a podcast/blog called “The longest shortest time” with us.It’s about early parenting.I’ve listened to the first few podcasts and read the first few blog entries.I laughed, I cried, and I felt so much better.The past three months have been amazing and full of wonder, but they’ve also been hard - really hard.Some how, in our society, it seems that if you talk about the hard aspects of parenting, then you’re not a good mother.It’s all supposed to be peaches and cream, but it’s not.Just knowing that I’m not the only one that struggles with adjustment to motherhood and knowing that I’m not alone makes it so much better.And knowing that this is really just a short time, even if it feels like forever, makes me feel a little better.
As the bottle battles continue (and yes, she STILL won’t take a bottle, and yes, we’ve tried just about everything), I’m realizing how trapped I’ve been feeling because I am the only consistent way she can get food.Coinciding with those feelings of being trapped are also feelings of guilt because I don’t need to go back to work so I don’t really need her to take a bottle.But in actuality, I really do need her to take a bottle. Currently, my only time away from Safia is when Rube is trying to give her a bottle. I go to the gym and run errands, and although it is technically a break, my thoughts are constantly on what's happening at home. Guilt seeps in again as I wonder if I'm being selfish by putting Rube and Safia through this ordeal so I can get what I want.After the feeling of guilt subside, reality sets in and even though I don’t need to go back to work right away, I really do need her to take a bottle because I need to not feel trapped.If I have the choice as to whether I go out and do something or stay home with Safia, I’m so much happier to stay home with her when I’ve chosen to do so rather then when I feel forced to do it.I know it’s all about perspective and I am incredibly lucky to be having these emotional/mental battles, but it doesn’t make it any easier.But it does make it easier to know that this is “normal” (whatever that word means anymore) and there are others that are going through the same struggles, and the mantras of it’ll get better are actually based in some sort of reality.At least that’s what people say.
On another note, Rube’s friend Tim arrived Sunday evening from Milwaukee.Sunday evening Rube played a gig in Atlanta so Tim could see his musical evolution from their college band, D.W. Rhylee.Yesterday was spent playing with Safia and hanging out in the kitchen.It was nice to have friends visiting to help with the transition back to Athens.We all went out to get a drink at a bar downtown (Safia is becoming quite comfortable in the bar scene) and then Rube and Tim hit the town, while Safia and I went home and slept.Rube was going to help me put Safia to bed, but I figured since Tim was here for such that it was silly for him to come back with me because I could just as easily put Safia to bed by myself (at least that’s the case most of the time!).It was a choice, and an easy one to make, which reinforces my new reality that it’s all about perspective.
A blast from the past, Safia at 9 days old,
it's amazing how much she's grown
It's amazing how time flies in our strange
time warp called parenthood
Safia ended up doing great on the marathon car trip from DC back here to Athens. I'd even go as far to say she exceeded expectations. As the trip progressed, her sleeping sessions got shorter and shorter necessitating more frequent pit-stops. When we arrived home, we were sobered by our return to reality: house to clean, grass to mow, roof to repair, meals to cook, baby to care for, all by ourselves. It sure was nice to have so many people around to soothe Safia when she got grumpy, or to collaborate in the kitchen with on a meal, or to just have interesting conversations with. I guess the old cliche that "it takes a village..." does ring true.
Below, I've posted a couple of videos for your enjoyment. I'll give a little background info to clarify things a bit. The first is of Safia in the car. She is playing with a rattle and being awfully cute (if I do say so). She is also listening to "This American Life" which is on in the car, describing the now predictable way in which Middle East dictators try to salvage their deteriorating positions of power. The second video is of a little music session we had. She's already starting to sing.
Now a point of digression, if I may: On our drive back home, there was a major traffic back-up in South Carolina as a result of an accident that delayed us about one-and-a-half hours. On that drive, in which we stayed on major interstate highways (I-95 and I-85), I was shocked at the high frequency of aggressive, sudden, and un-signaled lane changes. I, myself, was cut-off repeatedly (often while driving in the right-most lane) by drivers making their move. The accident that caused the miles-long back-up on I-85 was caused by a lane change in which three cars were ultimately involved, and it resulted in a fatality (a 26-year old man returning to Georgia after visiting his girlfriend in North Carolina). So sad. Lately I've been thinking, as I drive Safia around, that I have precious cargo in the car and that I should drive more safely. It's clear to me now that we are all precious cargo. Drive safely.
So I'm posting from the road! We left Ellen's parent's house this morning at 4am. Safia made a smooth transition to the car and continued sleeping the good sleep. In fact she gave us four-and-a-half hours of solid driving. We made a pit-stop for gas, nursing, and a diaper change. We're back in the car and I'm trying to keep Safia entertained with an onslaught of rattles and woobies and books. So far so good...
Yesterday was a much needed day of rest. Everyone is better because of it. I was starting to get nervous and a little frustrated that Safia was becoming increasingly dependent on us for falling asleep. For the past few days, we were spending an exorbitant amount of time and energy getting her to fall asleep; we would hold her and bounce on the exercise ball (parenting gold, by the way), we would hold her and walk her up and down hallways, we would hold her and rock her in the rocking chair. After finally falling asleep she would abruptly awaken upon leaving our touch, necessitating a complete re-do. I will admit, I had a meltdown. When the new day dawned, and I had composed myself, I took a new (actually, old) approach.
When Safia was a newborn, we utilized a method that may be recognizable as the "Happiest Baby on the Block" method. It was incredibly effective, but for some unclear reason, we had moved away from it. Yesterday, with few events planned for the day, I committed to returning to our old method. I was devoted to swaddling Safia (we do anyway), putting Safia on her side, shushing, and gently swinging/shaking her in my arms every time it was nap time. Rampant success ensued. I am hesitant to assign credit solely upon these specific calming methods. Like all things, there are so many factors that come into play, but I was so relieved to have a low-stress, low-frustration, nap-full day.
We have also come to a decision as to our travel plans for returning to Athens. We have decided to leave early tomorrow morning. We're going to take things as they come and not try to push too hard on anybody's sanity. Durham, North Carolina marks the half-way point on our journey, and we will keep open the possibility of stopping there for a break to assess our progress and further course of action. If anyone has spent any time in Durham, please send along suggestions for eating/sites to see/places to visit. Keep your fingers crossed and send us positive traveling vibes.
Somewhere in the chaos, we neglected to post the 13th-week/3-month picture of Safia. That is the picture above. My sincerest apologies for my failure to keep things up-to-date.
Yesterday, we all went downtown to the National Gallery to infuse some culture into our visit. Safia had been clamoring all week to see the Chester Dale Collection: From Impressionism to Modernism exhibit, so we finally relented, and went to check it out. She slept for about three-hours in her stroller as we navigated the exhibit to let all the magnificence marinate fully. It was a great trip downtown, and we arrived back at home relatively unscathed.
Safia commiserates with Jude
So we are fully preparing for our return journey back to Athens. 600 miles. 10 hours by car. We would like to get it done in one trip (rather than breaking it up into multiple days), but we are new to this type of journey with a baby, and are, therefore, open to the idea of laying over for a night if things get crazy. We realize that our travel time will be greatly increased due to the necessary and regular stops for feeding, changing, and comforting, so we'll see how it goes. If you have any advice or tips for long road trips with an infant, we are open and appreciative. Luckily, there is no hard-and-fast date or time we need to be back in Athens by, so we do have the luxury of relative flexibility.
We're entering our last weekend before I have to go back to work. I have one week to prepare my classroom, prepare lesson plans for the oh-so-crucial first few weeks of school, and prepare myself mentally for a new school year of 2nd graders. Students arrive for their first day of school on August 8. I feel so fortunate to have had this time with Safia. To observe and learn and stare in wonder at this little thing - this little growing bean stalk. I know I'm fortunate to have this opportunity. I remember how hard it was to go back to work after my paternity leave was exhausted, and although things are different this time, it'll still be hard. Well, one last weekend...gotta soak it in.
